Unconditionally

The Good Book tells us to love others the way we love ourselves.

I need to learn the opposite. I need to love myself the way I love others.

My love for others is unconditional, judgement-free, and loyal. It doesn't keep a record of the times they've hurt me. It doesn't pressure them. It has no agenda. It doesn't have to be earned - it's free of charge.

So why, then, do I not love myself in the same way? My love for myself is conditional. It's given or taken away based on how I feel that day, or in that moment. I judge every aspect of myself daily. I'm harsh to myself; I pressure myself. When I disappoint myself, I subtract any love I had for myself. I have a very, very long list in my head of all the times I hurt someone, or disappointed myself, or failed. I look in the mirror and I point out my flaws. I pinch and poke at myself, punishing myself for how I look.

I say things to myself that I would never say to anyone else.

I say sorry even when I did nothing wrong. I settle for less than I deserve in order to please others. I edit myself to make others comfortable. I don't speak so that my burdens won't transfer to others.

Yet, I tell others that I don't judge them. I tell them to speak their mind. I tell them to be honest and authentic. I tell them they never need to edit themselves around me. I tell them their burdens won't hurt me. And I mean all those things. I let them be themselves and I love them for it - but I don't extend that same philosophy to myself.

I'm starting a new blog for a new me. Well, a more evolved me. Every day I long to get the words out but I always change my mind. It's scary to be vulnerable and open and raw. I'm going to be vulnerable and open and raw here. I don't care if what I say offends, shocks, scares, confuses, or angers.

Give me the space to feel everything. Don't try to correct my emotions. Don't try to distract from my pain. When I'm angry, let me be angry. When I'm sad, let me be sad. When I'm happy, let me be happy. I'm not fishing for compliments and comfort. I just want you to SEE me, and let it be.

The only way out is through.

Comments

  1. MoJoApril 12, 2019 at 11:31 PM

    Zoe, this is really good. Such an old soul, you are.

    ReplyDelete

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