Zoe's Spiritual Deconstruction - Part Three: You Know Nothing, Jon Snow

I'd like to remind you to read the Intro and Parts One and Two before reading this post if you would like the full context. The Intro in particular will explain who the heck Rhett and Link are, because I will be referring to them occasionally, and they inspired me to share my story.

Humans seem to have this innate desire for answers, for knowledge. We also seem to have an innate desire for meaning and purpose.With those desires combined, it makes sense that we would look for signs of a higher power - something or someone with all the answers who has a purpose for us. It would give us a feeling of security and safety, knowing that someone else was in charge; that there was a reason behind everything we experienced, particularly the difficult things.

From the time our brains can process questions and our mouths can ask them, we're on a mission to get answers. It starts simply - by asking why things hurt or why the sky is blue - but it progresses to deeper and deeper things as our brains develop, inevitably landing on the age old question: What is the meaning of Life, the Universe, Everything? (42. Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

There is a type of snap one feels in the brain when one starts questioning the nature of one's reality. It's as if you've graduated to a higher level of thinking. Congratulations, you've made it: you're officially Fully Human.

I wish I could only have experienced asking those questions once, but I find that they come in waves periodically. When they hit, I feel like I've fallen off a boat into an endless, tumultuous sea. 

I'm finally to the point where I realize I'll never stop questioning the nature of my reality. It's what humans do, what we've done since we first arrived. There will always be so much to ask and so much to learn, so why not keep questioning?

The main message of Christianity is that it holds the Truth. It has the answers we've all been waiting for. As a Christian, you no longer have to wonder, or flail about in a stormy ocean - you know the Truth, and that truth will set you free.

I used to believe this. I was a Christian to my core. I believed that the Gospel was the truth, I believed that I knew the answers, and I believed that I could be certain in whatever Christianity had to teach me. We knew that God existed, we knew that Jesus died for our sins, and we knew where we were going after we died. We had security and safety because we had meaning and purpose. We knew there was a reason for the world's existence, our innate desires were fulfilled, and there was no longer a need to question.

To that point, doubt was a bad word in church. Doubt came from the Devil himself - he wanted you to question God so that he could turn you away from God. I told you about my neighbor, who rushed to the rescue with a special book as a band-aid to cover up my doubt. Doubt is scary! It's like the gateway drug to turning your back on Christ.

So, why would I let doubt creep in and why would I rock the boat when I was in a cozy, safe place that had all the answers? It sounds good, right - being 100% sure of something as daunting as your own existence? But we humans crave answers and knowledge. For me, my innermost desire is for the truth, whether it comes to the small things like why the sky is blue, or the big things like what our purpose is. 

But why would I keep looking for the truth when it was apparently given to me in the form of Jesus? Because I realized that I didn't actually know shit. More importantly, I realized that everyone else didn't know shit.

I don't remember when that hit me, but it was awhile ago, and it bugged me. There are such things as proof and evidence - tangible, quantifiable things undeniable to science. Believing that you saw an angel or heard God speak is not proof or evidence. It may bring comfort and answers to you, and that's great, but it doesn't mean we definitively know anything. An ancient book written by flawed people is not proof that God or the Gospel are real.

When you realize that the Truth you've been given your whole life isn't actually truth because it's based on belief and not fact, your world gets rocked. It definitely feels like you've taken the red pill.

Please don't get me wrong: the Gospel could be the truth. The point is that we have no quantifiable proof that it is, and yet Christians like to use the words "know" and "certain" a lot. I finally realized that faith isn't knowing, it's believing. I realized that I had no problem with people believing what they wanted and having faith in what they wanted - what I had a problem with were the Christians around me trying to pass belief off as knowledge, and faith off as fact. 

It hit me that no one actually knows anything for sure about the divine or the afterlife. Everything in religion is uncertain because it is unproven, and therefore we are all in the "I don't know" state of mind, whether we like it or not. Acting like you have all the answers to things that cannot be answered will always rub me the wrong way. I don't like it because it's dishonest and it misleads people. Moreover, it sets you apart from everyone else as superior.

You may not feel superior or think of yourself as superior - but to have a religion or spiritual leaning you have to believe that it's the right one; otherwise why would you be a part of it? You have to believe that it gives you a special kind of knowledge and assurity. How else can you justify converting others to it?

As soon as you believe you have a knowledge that not everyone else has and that everyone else wants, you set yourself apart as superior and the world becomes divided as Us and Them.